Reader matter:
I was friends because of this woman for some time. She left the woman sweetheart. We’ve been texting much â like 200 messages a week. We hold obtaining mixed indicators from their, and I love this lady. Should I do it? But I really don’t wanna destroy the relationship either. We also spend time, and I also think she actively seeks me during the places.
-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)
Professional’s Response:
Hi, Ivan. Thanks for trusting you using this crucial personal problem.
There is a large number of possibilities to spell out what are you doing here, but i’d like to provide you with my personal «take.» To begin with, you say she is sending combined signals, which most likely means she is perplexed and not clear on just what she wishes.
She could have ideas or dreams for the union she just remaining, or she might be waiting for you to manufacture a step. She might still be in the healing process, and she may not be willing to be observed publicly with another guy however.
Texting is the woman means of extend and linking today while she completes psychologically disconnecting from the woman ex. She may also be confused if the woman friendship for you occasionally seems wants it is changing into some thing larger, but she’s unclear should you «like» like the girl.
As for you, Ivan, you’re in a tremendously precarious place nowadays. She’s about rebound and requirements emotional help. She trusts both you and seems better when she offers some messages or hangs out to you. She searches for you in the places because she likes you, in one single method or some other, and that is in which you have to be mindful. Should you decide put the friendship initially above the curiosity about dating this lady as a girlfriend, you are in major chance of getting directed into the «friend region,» that is an arduous spot to escape from.
My guidance to you is to obtain as well as the girl and talk in person. It must be earlier in the day and faster than an actual day, nonetheless it will give you a thought if she wants to see you or perhaps not. Inform the lady she needs to move out and get an hour to chuckle and savor herself therefore would really love the opportunity to talk to the girl in a little more level, too. Pick an area where friends never get â possibly a Starbucks anywhere â so she will feel like the woman confidentiality is being secured.
Ask the girl just how she actually is performing of course she’s truly completed together ex. Pay really attention to the woman body language. Is actually she bending closer or out? Is actually she big-eyed and cheerful, or separated and careful? Is she behaving «girly» or like somebody?
Absolutely one more thing you should do: Tell the lady in a really matter-of-fact manner in which you like the girl. After that you should not say another word. She has to be the following a person to speak. Take a look their squarely into the sight so she will visit your energy along with your sincerity. Boldly and with confidence grasp her shoulder or fingers. Just make sure she understands you are interested in the woman in a romantic man-woman kind of means.
End up being powerful and kind but never ever emotional or hopeless. Generate the girl like to come your way the nurturing and comfy guy you will be rather than your great son who’s «secure» and ordinary. Her real views and objectives should display on their own just like the talk unfolds.
Do it,
Nick